Choosing a football team in Russia is like an American Presidential election

Why is it that choosing a football team in Russia seems just like an American Presidential election? My goodness, what a task.

At first I didn’t really care as soccer wasn’t even a word in the dictionary back in the hills of Virginia, Kentucky and West Virginia. But over the years I’ve slowly come to learn more about REAL football, you know, the kind you kick with the FOOT: Soccer football.

Of course I will never give up my love affair with God’s favourite college team, Nebraska (“on the eight day HE created the Cornhuskers and it was good” Genesis number something), but as it’s easy to enjoy real FOOTball teams in Europe, perhaps now it the appointed time to make the choice for a professional Soccer team.

There are four professional teams in Moscow, each very good and they play the finest European and Russian teams. The Локомотив (Locomotive) has a brand new and comfortable stadium plus a cool logo & uniforms and great looking cheerleaders.

Not that it matters, but they win games. Probably due to the cheerleaders. This team has been around since 12 August 1923 and originally named “October Revolution.” They are connected to the Russian national railroad system. Locomotive…get it?

The CSKA team has nice uniforms too and a good logo. Cheerleaders are very fetching and not that many people have been trampled to death in post game festivities, well not lately. Not lately matters in that department, I’m thinking. Hmm, they began in 1911 and are connected to the Russian Army so cousin Gera will want me to choose them.

CSKA is moving to a brand new stadium next year. Wonder how CSKA cheerleaders compare side by side to the Locomotive cheer ladies? We’ll need to check that out.

Next up, the Moscow Dynamo. They’re “Dynamo” alright, cause these guys haven’t won a championship ever, I mean EVER, though they’re connected to the Russian KGB. What the heck? You mean they can’t even finagle a win and they’re “connected” to the main spies?

Wimps I’m thinking, but would never dare say so in public. Of course any good decision is made after viewing the cheerleaders.

Finally, is the Moscow Spartak team (as in the “Spartans”) so double no, nothing that even smacks of Michigan back in the USA. The only thing going for them is that they win championships and wear RED uniforms, like Nebraska.

Okay, they do have some downright HOT cheerleaders, but with a name like Spartak, even the cheerleaders don’t count as much in this potential choice. Well, there are several hot blondes in the second row…

You know, I’ve come to the conclusion that choosing a FOOTball team in Russia is about the same as choosing a president in the USA: the lesser of all the other evils.

The rest is up to their cheerleaders.

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